The week of January 26, 1986 was quite a week. On that Sunday, the Chicago Bears defeated the New England Patriots (nope, TB12 wasn’t there) in the Super Bowl, 46-10. The next day, Whitney Houston and Huey Lewis won the American Music Award, as Best Artist. Those of us that were around remember where we were on January 28, 1986, as the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded just 73 seconds after liftoff on live television. All 7 crew members were killed including Christa McAuliffe, who would have been the first teacher in space. Then on Friday, January 31 right around noon, I was in the classroom of my wrestling coach, Mr. Schimming – “Schim” around noon and a 5.4 magnitude earthquake was felt from Cleveland through metro Detroit. It was crazy!
Then came the end of the week.
Those of us on the Romulus wrestling team were heading to practice to workout, get some last minutes drills in, maybe check our weight and cut an extra couple of pounds as we had a tournament the next day at Lincoln Park HS.
A crazy week in time, ending in a normal way for us high schoolers.
Then came 2:30pm in the Romulus locker room. The next hour or so seemed to last for hours and hours. It has been 13,149 days since that day. I remember it like it was yesterday, yet it’s blurry, sketchy, and hazy. I often wonder as to why I feel led to share this story every year.
Am I still grieving?
Do people need to hear this story, especially with all the hurt in the world?
Is there any HOPE in this story?
Is there anything GOOD that can possibly come from this story?
My answer, “Yes to all”
When I looked to see the number of days since, January 31, 1986, I have to say I was a little short on my guess. It’s crazy to think that I have recalled that afternoon 13,149 times. It feels different today. It hurts less, and the sadness no longer affects me like it did years ago.
Many of my friends and those I have had the pleasure of serving over the years have heard the story of January 31, 1986, from me. It was the day that my teammate, one of my best friends in high school, Bob O’Day was murdered just outside the wrestling locker room at Romulus High School. The details, in my mind, aren’t of the same weight, but the lessons keep burning in me. They help keep me moving forward. They are another reason that I do what I do. Yeah, the lessons matter.
What’s funny is that the same event, the same teachings, the same details all can have different implications and beliefs as the years go on. What I felt that I was taught from this in 1986 wasn’t the same thing I felt in 1996, the same goes for 2022. I often engage with this moment in my history, reflecting on what I am being taught or led, through The Holy Spirit who is always at work leading and guiding all of us. I often pray with this event in mind as I work with the athletes in which I have been entrusted to pour into.
In 1986, my reaction to the event was to distance myself from others because “any of us can die at any moment and this stuff is too painful to endure again!” I realized I was doing that very thing. I didn’t let many into my life. On the outside, I had many friends, but I kept my thoughts, my fears, my spirit to myself. I didn’t realize how damaging those years were until Christ intersected with my life again in 1999. Even though I was married and had 2 children, I only allowed others, even my wife, into the depth of me just at arm’s length.
Christ’s love changed everything for me and my family in 1999. His promise to never leave us remains true. His promise to be faithful, even when it seems impossible, has never been untrue. Do these promises make life easier? Not all the time. Life is just plain hard sometimes, that has always been the deal since Genesis 3:6 and will always be the deal. We ask so often, “Why does God allow bad stuff to happen?” The answer is easy, and the answer is hard. Sin has corrupted every aspect of life for us. The Good News is that we can have a Kingdom worldview when we trust God at His word, allowing Him to lead us by the Holy Spirit, and when we proclaim to others that He is our Savior, He is our Lord, that He is our King, and I will follow Him. Again, Jesus changes everything!
So, after 13,149 days, what am I sensing, absorbing, considering with regards to January 31, 1986?
First, I am appreciating the fragility of life. I am understanding the more as I get older, that our days are truly numbered and that our time is short. This, in me, is creating an excitement that I have never felt before. It’s creating a boldness to speak Truth which includes more grace than I could ever imagine I could give, because of the grace extended to me from The Lord. I am not running around scared that I may drop at any moment, however I do want to live in the moments more, loving on those in front of me like crazy including my family, my friends, my colleagues, my Church family, and the athletes/students I get to serve.
Second, and this seems to grow deeper in me every year, is the fact that relationships matter. In Mark 12:29-31, Jesus is asked by the Pharisees, “What is the most important commandment in the Law?” They were trying to trick him with this question. “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” The “Shema” (which means to listen, heed, or hear and do) is found in Deuteronomy 6:4, and was prayed by the Israelites when they woke up and before they went to bed. Jesus, knowing that if we follow this command, we will naturally keep the commandments. Instead of worrying about what we should NOT do, we should concentrate on all we CAN do to show our love for The Lord and others. Relationships matter!
I have been reflecting about my relationships in this season of life. Over the last 6 years, my wife and I have lived in 3 different cities, serving different schools and churches, and relationship building can be hard. What’s been toughest for me is leaving people in whom I have been building relationships. I’ve been realizing more and more how much I love my wife and children (including the “in-laws”), my extended family, my friends, and the athletes/coaches I get to serve. Out of Christ’s love for me, I am called and commanded to love people and the more I intentionally love, the more I want to love. Sometimes relationships are messy, sometimes they are ugly, sometimes they seem impossible to navigate, but we gotta do it – actually, we get to do it!
So, for today, in honor of one of my best friends from high school, I want to celebrate relationships.
I want to celebrate Bob O’Day’s example to me and how it affects me 13,149 days later
I want to celebrate my dear friends from Romulus High School
I want to celebrate those in my life that are difficult for me to love
I want to celebrate the students I have had the honor of serving past and present
I want to celebrate the athletes I have had the honor of serving past and present
I want to celebrate the friends that share my life, pouring into me, and just being there
I want to celebrate my mentors who have helped shape, encourage, and challenge me
I want to celebrate those I get to walk beside as we do ministry together
I want to celebrate my extended family, some of which I see consistently, some not so much
I want to celebrate close, dear friends some of which know much about me, yet love me anyways
I want to celebrate my son, his wife, and our coming soon grandchild
I want to celebrate my daughter and her fiancée
I want to celebrate my wife, who supports, challenges, and loves me well
I want to celebrate the most important relationship in my life, and that’s the relationship I have with Jesus Christ
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